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Archive 4: August 2002

Thursday, 1 August 2002 || 12:33 p.m.

Gusto ko ng banana cue!!!

I've been having a very bad mid-week, thanks to certain lovely, just lovely members of my immediate family. As if yesterday morning were not enough, I had to be tormented again at night. When I woke up this morning, I had the insane urge to poke my left eye out with a fountain pen and serve it to them at breakfast. Perhaps I will. But not right now. I'm in a left-eye-loving mood.

So, yes, Mumu, tomorrow, I will go to the post office and claim your CDs so I can have much-needed therapy.

And I also want banana cue. Lucifer came home having just eaten three. And I am envious. I have just had a disgusting lunch. I hate pork. I eat pork only because there is nothing else to eat, but perhaps I should avoid the dining table when they serve it. Yes. Instead of eating slop, I shall drink coffee. Starting tonight.

I also want fishballs and kwek-kwek--did I get this right? I'm talking about those orange-coated egg things. Pinoy soul food guaranteed to land me in the hospital with a hepatitis-B diagnosis. How'd you all like that, eh? I torture people by torturing myself. It's so gratifying to see their faces. Cruel, cruel, cruel bad little girl. Ladies, for my birthday, I want a shirt that says "bad little girl." Or a nice postcard like the ones in the Griffin and Sabine books by Nick Bantock. No one sends me postcards. I'm sad.

I've just swung by Sophie's blog and she said she thought I look like Jean Harlow. Me? Really? Well, she does look like Mana if I squint a little so... okay. I have a new layout subject.

And I have a migraine. Fuckfuckfuck. I must get out of this house soon.

lucy fell
+++

Friday, 2 August 2002 || 9:17 a.m.

Lucifer's Theory: The first dinosaurs were not really that big. Then evolution got its grimy hands on them and they started getting really, really huge. Which was good. But then, as they got bigger, their brains got smaller and smaller, until they got so tiny that the poor lumbering reptiles forgot how to breathe. And that, children, is why there are no more dinosaurs. Stupidity killed them.

Interesting, if you consider the following points.

1. When we were kids and our parents would ask which one of us would take care of them in their old age, Aoshi, Mumu, Lucifer and I would play a friendly game of bato-bato-pik (rock-scissors-paper). Loser gets the old people.

2. It is not my fault that companies do not have budget allocated for sponsorship. Maybe they have other, better things to spend their money on (like the McDonald's Company, which no longer entertains food sponsorships and instead allocates funds to charity). Maybe they like the smell of money in their pockets. Whatever the reason, it's not my fault. Quit blaming me or I will poke my eye out and make you eat it.

Conclusion: Mid-life crisis turns people into dinosaurs. That is why someone has to kill me before I turn 40. Mumu's age limit is 35, but I could live a little longer. Just so I don't have to inflict myself on my children when I get to that phase.

Until it has passed, people should be locked up in old people's centers. Leaving all their money to us, of course. Happy birthday, Dad.

lucy fell
+++

Saturday, 3 August 2002 || 9:23 p.m.

Haido-poo: *sniffs air* Is it safe to come in now? Are you not bitching anymore?
Setsuna: *exhales thin plume of smoke* Eh?
Haido-poo: Oh gawd, now you're doing it too! Is there no safe haven for creatures who want to live long, healthy lives?
Setsuna: If it bothers you, get out.
Haido-poo: Can't get out. I need to be fed,
Setsuna: I just fed you. You're fat.
Haido-poo: *sighs* You're still bitching.
Setsuna: Well, I wasn't bitching at you. Relax. I've had a smoke, and I've watched "kimon" and listened to "kisou." I am fine. I'll be happily stoned on Dir en Grey until the next album arrives.
Haido-poo: *snorts* Dir en Grey, Dir en Grey. I am just so sick of Dir en Grey.
Setsuna: Jealous of Die?
Haido-poo: It's not fair! Mumu-chan loves him more than she loves me! And I bet you love Kaoru more too! *sniff*
Setsuna: Baby, we don't love Kaoru and Die more. It's just...
Haido-poo: You can have hentai dreams about them, is that it? *pouts*
Setsuna: Oh, not just dreams, baby. *evil grin*
Haido-poo: Ick. Hormones. And I thought you two had graduated from this phase.
Setsuna: What's your problem with Kaoru and Die, anyway? If Kaoru makes me somewhat less of a bitch, shouldn't that make everyone happy?
Haido-poo: *downcast* I have no sex life...
Setsuna: There's nothing I can do fo you.
Haido-poo: *sniffs* I know. I should stop waiting to be rescued. Get off my fat butt and do something with my life. Channel my energies to the pursuit of self-realization.
Setsuna: ...Wanna eat?
Haido-poo: Okay!

Later, when bellies are full and everyone is happy...

Haido-poo: Now, I'm no expert on male anatomy, but... The size of that is just... I'm speechless... He's a freak and a half.
Setsuna: I need another smoke...

(Check out Mumu's blog for more... MORE!)

lucy fell
+++

Monday, 5 August 2002 || 12:08 p.m.
now playing:
Dir en Grey, "mushi"

I now remember why I am depressed. I woke up from a dream in which Keith died. Remember him, Sophie? Who he? I should explain, shouldn't I?

Keith is a supporting character in the novella I submitted as my undergraduate thesis. I'm depressed over a dead guy who doesn't exist. Well, he's not dead, I just dreamed that he died. I couldn't get up, was weeping into my pillow for about an hour, and then I started missing ken-chan again. Now I have a headache.

I smoke Mild Seven Lights, and it does leave a smell, though not as strong as the reek in Aoshi's room. I lit a scented candle to get rid of it. My room smells like smoke and butterflies. Yes, dear, I sniff dead insects. But only when I'm alone. They don't smell like anything special, but I'm a freak. So.

|| 9:20 a.m.
now playing: Dir en Grey, kisou album

I miss ken-chan. Yesterday, Mumu and I were on the bus going to Glorietta and it hit me: I really miss ken-chan. I don't particularly care for hyde, tetsu or yukihiro (echoes of The Horrible Perm™, ick!) right now, but I want to see Laruku for ken-chan.

I don't know if this is a side effect of hearing DEG's kisou album for the first time. My throat has been threatening to explode since we listened to it yesterday morning, and then I started missing ken-chan. I don't know, I just don't know.

Laruku, I am pissed at you. I'd blow smoke in your collective faces, but you'd probably like that. Except tet-chan, who will whack me with a handbag, then whip out the Evian atomizers. Damn you all.

We found a guy who looks like Kaoru. But I don't feel like writing about him.

I don't even want to listen to L'Arc-en-Ciel songs anymore (except "Pieces" and "I'm so happy"). I just miss ken. Want: New album, new PV, new concert video. ken-chan.

lucy fell
+++

Layout Rant

(Enter fat, orange cat. Yes, back again.)

Haido-poo: Excuse me? I am not fat. I resent being objectified.
Setsuna: Shut up. You're here to talk about the layout.
Haido-poo: *glances around* Where's Yuki? How come I'm not doing the rant with her?
Setsuna: Because you two always end up talking about something other than the layout.
Haido-poo: But we're very opinionated. We demand that our voices be heard!
Setsuna: How about this--You don't do a proper layout rant, I don't feed you.
Haido-poo: Woman, your empty threats mean nothing to me.
Setsuna: Oh yeah? *locks cat food in pantry and throws away key*
Haido-poo: NNNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!
Setsuna: You have a job to do?
Haido-poo: You're mean. Fine, fine! Humans, this is the sixth layout created by the little woman who has too much free time. It's ken of L'Arc-en-Ciel this time. I never thought I'd see the day. You and Mumu-chan couldn't even look at him before, you thought he was so ugly.
Setsuna: *clamps both hands over Haido-poo's mouth* Ssh!
Haido-poo: Heh! Actually, I'm inclined to agree. But at least he doesn't wear make-up anymore. Now that was a nightmare to behold!
Setsuna: True. Wait! I don't think he's ugly! Really! Well, not anymore.
Haido-poo: He has very feline features. But he would have made quite a repulsive cat.
Setsuna: He has more sex than you do.
Haido-poo: Oh, shut up.
Setsuna: ken-chan has written the music for some of Laruku's most well-known songs, including "Niji" which many consider the Laruku anthem, and "fate," my personal favorite.
Haido-poo: He is also the human of a spankin' hot babe named Elizabeth. Rowr!
Setsuna: I know this is a little early for a layout change--I usually change on the 10th of every month. But I had fun making this layout. Enjoy.
Haido-poo: Why'd you choose ken, anyway? I thought you weren't going to make Laruku layouts.
Setsuna:
Well... I'm sad. ken-chan cheers me up just by looking like that.
Haido-poo: Then why don't you make a layout of me? I cheer you up too.
Setsuna: I know, baby. Maybe I will.
Haido-poo: That's good. Can I eat now?
Setsuna: *sighs* You need to lose weight. *conjures up another pantry key*

lucy fell
+++

Wednesday, 7 August 2002 || 1228

Note to self: Mild Seven and sinigang don't go together.

Whatever happened to my vow to refuse to eat pork in all forms (except katsudon)?

I was hungry, and I'd just written a fan letter to Die.

|| 0921
noise:
Youjeen, "Apple For Your Thoughts"

Did the images come out right? Did they? That was embarrassing. Why am I suddenly unsure of how to spell "embarrassing"? Note to self: check the html before you upload.

Crazy night, last night. Existential crises galore. And why? Because I made a Kaoru wallpaper. Eh? A sexy picture it is. Unfortunately, I can't put it here, because it is big (543 kb) and Fateback won't let me upload it. And because I have not the blessing of the webmistress who scanned it. Huh?

Yes. I made two versions, included the lyrics of embryo and FILTH on the wallpaper (translation courtesy of Tattered Cloth). And I spent half the night wondering if I would be able to sleep. I can't tell you. I can't even say it to myself. Basta.

Kyo. Do you feel this too? Call me. Let's have coffee. Then go to an MRT station and push people off the platform.

|| 0858

It seems I'm the only one who can see my new layout. Krapf! Okay, I've fixed it! Mumu, Canis, Sophie, Raven, check back please. If you still can't see this, I'm gonna have to kill my host. Grrr.

I'm worried about Haido-poo. Mom said she found blood in his stool. I don't know if she has time to take him to the vet this week. I hope it's nothing serious. My poor baby.

lucy fell
+++

Thursday, 8 August 2002 || 0926

You cannot tell where the wind ends and the whisper begins. Only that it creeps up on you like some half-remembered scent, unknown yet familiar, and threatening. You bask in it even as it squeezes the blood out of your heart.

And when his voice grates in his throat in a feral sob, you feel as if you have been stabbed in the heart, as if you have died and been reincarnated as something both macabre and beautiful. And you can do nothing but hide in the dark, unable even to cry with him.

Because you, too, are fallen from grace. Because his song is the closest you will get to redemption.

lucy fell
+++

Sunday, 11 August 2002 || 0352
revised 0914

I've had a fever since Friday afternoon. I can't sleep because it's hot--I'm trying to sweat the fever out-- and because I'm worried about Aoshi. He called me up at eleven-thirty saying he didn't know how to get home. Where the hell did you go, dodo?

So I was lying in bed nightdreaming about Kaoru (who is partially responsible for my fever), and suddenly I thought of Kyo. Yes, Kyo. Our baby, but not really a baby (more like a tiyanak). And I found myself admitting that lusting after Kyo is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

1. He's very short. If he takes his shoes off, we'll be about the same height, so he won't have to bend over to kiss me, and I won't get a stiff neck nipping his earlobe.

2. Unlike certain guitarists I could mention, Kyo actually wants to settle down and get married. Well, okay, so he wants someone who will cook and clean for him, i.e., a maid, but we can always borrow Megumi from hyde.

3. He sleeps in Doraemon pajamas. All the better to cuddle you with, my dear.

4. He's got a body to drool for. Again, unlike certain guitarists I could mention. Slurp.

5. He writes beautiful lyrics. Sample:

at the time of my death, there is one special person I remembered
tomorrow I'll become ashes, return to dust
from the window I can see the cherry blossoms
beneath those cherry blossoms I want to sleep
wrapped in warmth
in your hand....
they carry me quietly from room 304
so that I will never forget you

from here on, I sway in the breeze, together with the cherry blossoms, remembering you

fluttering fluttering
fluttering fluttering

-from 304 goushitsu, hakushi no sakura
translation by Tattered Cloth

6. He's got a big mouth. If people try to harrass us, he'll bite their heads off. Literally.

7. He growls when he sings. Aaah!

8. He's crazy! And that is all right by me.

But Setsuna, you say, does this mean you're dumping dear Kaoru for the demented munchkin? Of course not. I'm in this weird state and I have a fever, okay? But I've got "wake" playing in my head, and Kyo and I are devouring pie and dancing in the breeze.


The Mad Munchkin

Short aside: ken-chan and Sakura together in Sons of All Pussys? First, Sugizo puts together the Spank Your Juice, and now this. When I read this, my first thought was, "It's 'Pussies,' not 'Pussys.'" Reported by Shiroi Heya. Thanks for the plug, Canis.

Kyo image from Tattered Cloth

lucy fell
+++

Monday, 12 August 2002 || 0825

And I am still sick. Crap.

My fevers are usually preceded by a cold and followed by a cough that lasts from four days to two weeks. Yesterday, I was croaking like Marge Simpson. Today, my voice does not approximate anything human. Therefore, I cannot make any phone calls lest people mistake me for Death coming to fetch their ugly souls.

Last Saturday was the worst. My fever was something like 40°C. My knees wobbled whenever I tried to get up and go to the toilet. And Mumu (I was in her flat) had not a single bath towel with which I could make a cold compress for my forehead. So I used a padded bra. Stop laughing.

Mumu: Totchiko is going to die if she sees you like that.
Me: I don't care. I'm sick.

And I must mention that the fever was aggravated by visions of myself licking the moles on Kaoru's collarbone. Fine! Say it!

Haido-poo: You need to get laid.
Me: *sigh*
Haido-poo: You really need to get laid.
Me: Shut up, cat.

Kaoru, you fuck--I mean, fook. Why do you have to be so bloody sexy?

kao fuck
bigger?

Image from Tattered Cloth

lucy fell
+++

Tuesday, 13 August, 2002 || 1756
noise:
Dir en Grey, "hotarubi"

Mumu, I don't think I'll be able to see Sadako tomorrow. This hacking cough is killing me. I stare at all of our Dragonlance books with Raistlin covers and I'm like, "Buddy, I know how you feel." Why won't the, uh, lumpfuls (sic) of phlegm come out? I need to unstick my throat! Dammit dammit!

I'm re-reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I'd asked my dad to get me a paperback copy, completely forgetting that they only have the Bloomsbury edition in Singapore. I wanted the Scholastic edition (the one with the pictures)! It's a different, totally unnerving experience reading it again when I already know that Ce-- Oh, you haven't read it yet? Fine, fine, I shall not give spoilers. But read it already if you haven't, you lazy pups! Quit watching so much TV!

Mumu, our Dir en Grey albums are not yet here. They are in the package our dear aunt had had to ship over because she did not want to pay the excess baggage fee. All we have here are a pair of white shorts and an extremely frilly white blouse (for you). Kitty-chan got her Bratz doll. I'm jealous.

On a happier note, you've got another package. Bring ID when you come home Saturday.

lucy fell
+++

Wednesday, 14 August 2002 || 1150

Apparently, even my mother thinks I should get out more. She asked me to accompany her on her press rounds today, even though I have not fully recovered from my cough and I still have people to call up. I declined because I am weak from coughing, undernourished and dehydrated. I hardly eat and drink because all the phlegm and snot clogging my throat make everything smell and taste like toilet.

They served me pork for lunch again, so I did not eat. I'm not smoking now because I'm sick, but I'm still going to die sooner than people expect. Well, fuck.

lucy fell
+++

Thursday, 15 August 2002 || 1035
noise:
Dir en Grey, "24ko cylinder"

Excuse this. I just had to. From The Lighter Side of Black.

Scene 1: Meeting My Favorite J-rocker

One fine day, I was jumping up the throat when all of a sudden Kaoru farted out at me! I was so edgy that I kicked my triangle! I was very peppy to do such a pink thing in front of Kaoru but I tried to forget it. He then said I was the most pudgy quilt alive and asked ME for my bunny. I gladly gave it to him. Then he gave me his fluff. I was very sad and I promised I would paint him. I hope he misses me.

Sound dumb? It gets worse...

Scene 2: Getting Together

After I smoked Kaoru, we made chairs to keep. That day, I basted my numb light and socks so I would knock really glam for him. He told me to meet him at the mall at 7:00, and sure enough he was there. He looked really hard. I couldn't wait to get to our date at the mall.

And it doesn't end there...

Scene 3: On The Date

We finally got there. Inside, there were a lot of chickens and butlers, but I didn't mind as long as I was with Kaoru. We ducked left and the waitress came with our skirt. He ordered nut. I didn't care much for them but anything he pouts, I do too! So I ordered handbag and plate. While we were stitching I couldn't stop muffling at his odoriferous raspberries. They were so capable! But then our bun depleted and we huffed more than we veered. So I decided to start a conversation.

Don't worry, this is the last one. Heh.

Scene 4: The Conversation

"So what do you like to hop in your car?" I licked. "Well," he hurried, "I enjoy gurgling, mumbling, and washing." "Really?" I burped. "I prefer zooming to making. But licking is the smartest of all!" All of a sudden, he said, "You know, you have the juiciest lips." I could have glomped right there! That was so shiny of him to quake that! "Why thank you! You're not so soggy yourself!" Then the fluffiest thing in the hat jumped. He quipped over and hummed me! It was such a melodious note; it would be something I would sleep for years! Then it was time to go home!

+++

Kaoru, I hope you realize that when I see you on the street, I will rip your clothes off and fuck you senseless in broad daylight. Indulge me once again:

kao fuck
bigger?

Okay, I'm putting my brain back in.

Image from Tattered Cloth

lucy fell
+++

Friday, 16 August 2002 || 1023
now playing:
Dir en Grey, "MASK"

Ah! Urusai! Leave me alone or I will set a rabid Kyo upon you!

Mother I must get out. The walls of this room are closing in upon me. I feel like I have been living in that garbage chute in the Death Star where Princess Leia made Luke, Han and Chewy jump into to escape the stormtroopers. Except there are no stormtroopers here, only an underfed cat with swollen tits polluting my sick sheets.

I think I'll go feed on dead mosquitoes.

lucy fell
+++

Monday, 19 August 2002 || 1111

Survey. Questions copied from Cup of Coffee.

Basic Questions
1) Name: Setsuna
2) Sex: with Kaoru
3) Birthday: September 10
4) Height: 148 cm. I'm being honest. Be grateful
5) Weight: 90 lbs.
6) Hair color: dark brown
7) Eye color: brown
8) Ethnic background: Er... Malay, Spanish, Japanese, Chinese
9) Horoscope: Virgo
10) Hometown: what hometown?
11) Father's full name: Leopold Ramsdale Garzuncula. No, really.
12) Mother's full name: Sumeragi Yukina
13) Sibling(s): Aoshi, Mumu, Lucifer and Kitty-chan

Favorites
14) Song: today, it's "mushi" by Dir en Grey
15) Band/singer: Dir en Grey, Gackt, Sarah McLachlan, Tori Amos, Malice Mizer (with Gackt, because I haven't heard the Klaha songs), L'Arc-en-Ciel (I'm pissed at you!), Youjeen, Every Little Thing
16) Actor: Jude Law, Ewan McGregor
17) Actress: I'll let you know when I think of one
18) Movies: Star Wars Episodes 4-6, American Beauty, Angela's Ashes
19) Book: "Slaughterhouse-Five" by Kurt Vonnegut, "The Passion" by Jeanette Winterson, "The Chocolate War" by Robert Cormier
20) Author: eh... a lot...
21) Clothing brand name: none
22) Animal: cats, snakes, spiders
23) Day of the week: rainy days
24) Color: black and pink
25) Food: chocolate
26) Class in school: English
27) Store: Watson's (kikay!)
28) City: Paris
29) Country: er...
30) Vacation spot: Kaoru's bed
31) Sport: Taekwondo
32) Game: Arcanum
33) Car: I don't drive
34) Internet site: mine
35) Ice cream flavor: cappuccino crunch
36) Season: Autumn
37) Month: September
38) Holiday: my birthday
39) Flower: fire tree blossoms
40) Cartoon: The Simpsons, Daria
41) TV show: Survivor
42) Fictional story: fictional... story?
43) Perfume/cologne: The Body Shop's White Musk
44) Hobby: writing, reading, making blog layouts
45) Flavor: coffee
46) Scent: coffee
47) Quote: "My hormones don't rage; they just stop speaking to each other." --Daria
48) Word: fookah

Either/Or
49) Hot or cold: Cool
50) Sweet or sour: Sweet
51) Spicy or bland: Spicy
52) Fast or slow: Fast
53) Black or white: Black
54) Half-full or half-empty: Half-empty
55) Long or short: Long
56) More or less: More
57) Soft or hard: It depends. Kaoru?
58) Rough or smooth: Smooth
59) Air, land or sea: Land
60) Light or dark: Dark
61) Straight or curly: Straight
62) Straight or curvy: huh?
63) Large or small: Again. Kaoru?
64) Fat or thin: Thin
65) E-mail or letter: Letters
66) Phone or instant message: I use neither voluntarily.
67) Day or night: Night
68) Breakfast, lunch or dinner: Dinner
69) Past, present or future: Present
70) Radio or CD: CD
71) MTV or VH1: Ngwek.
72) Brush or comb: Brush
73) Slide, see-saw or swings: Swing.
74) Doing or watching: Doing. Kaoru.
75) Mind or body: Oh dear.
76) Consciousness, subconsciousness or unconsciousness: Subconsciousness
77) Feet or hands: Hands
78) Water or juice: Water
79) Ocean or pool: Neither
80) Treadmill or road: Road.
81) Speaker-phone or hand-held: Hand-held
82) AIM or ICQ: Neither
83) Rain or shine: Rain
84) Cat or dog: Cat
85) Innie or outie: Innie
86) Inside or outside: Uh...
87) Up/high or down/low: Fly
88) Closet or dresser-drawers: Closet
89) Bed frame or only mattress: Bed
90) Silver or gold: Silver

Love/Sex
91) Are you Hetero-/Homo-/Bi-sexual?: Hetero. I think.
92) Are you in love?: No
93) Are you in a relationship?: No
94) Have you ever fancied the same sex?: Uh... Yes.
95) Have you gotten your first kiss?: Eheheheheh. Yah.
96) Do you have a crush?: Yes, dammit.
97) Do you enjoy being in love/having a crush?: Sometimes. Ick.
98) What form of birth control do/would you use?: He has to use a condom.
99) Will you use birth control?: Yes.
100) Would/did you have sex before marriage?: I don't want to get married. Do the math.
101) Do you believe in hookups (sexual relations without emotion)?: Yes.
102) Have you ever had a hookup?: No
103) Is there a difference between a crush and being in love?: Yes.
104) Do you believe in love at first sight?: It's only lust, dears.
105) Do you believe in true love?: Uhh... Yes.
106) Can long-distance relationships work?: I guess, if people are determined to make them work.
107) Have you ever had a long-distance relationship?: No.
108) What of online relationships?: I don't know.
109) Have you ever been married?: But of course! Smirk.
110) Have you ever been divorced?: Yes. Smirk.
111) Have you ever been in love?: No.
112) If so, how many times?: I said, no.
113) Have you had sex in the past and regretted it?: Regret? No. Though I can't help but think I was so set against him because he's human. Oh, wait, that wasn't me, that was Arronax.
114) Have you fallen in love in the past and regretted it?: No.
115) How old were you when you got your first kiss?: Your guess.
116) Have you ever had your heart broken?: Heart?
117) Have you ever broken someone's heart?: Oh dear. I might have.
118) Have you ever sexually harassed someone?: Ha! Yes.
119) Have you ever been sexually harassed yourself?: Yes.
120) Have you ever been jealous of a friend for their boy/girlfriend?: No.
121) Have you ever been jealous of your boy/girlfriend's "close" friend(s)?: Uh...
122) Have you ever been jealous of your boy/girlfriend's ex?: Go away.
123) Have you ever gotten back together with an ex?: Eh.
124) Have you ever gotten together with a friend's ex?: No. That's rotten.
125) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?: No. Yuck!
126) Have you ever been in love with someone so much that you've cried over them?: No.
127) What's the most affection you deem appropriate for public?: Ick! Holding hands, then?
128) Have/would you ever see(n) an "X"-rated movie?: Ahahahahahahah!
129) Do you enjoy French-kissing?: Kaoru?
130) Do you keep a picture of your beloved somewhere?: Beloved. That's a nice word.
131) Would you (honestly) sacrifice your life for your beloved?: Honestly? Probably not.
132) Have/would you ever use whipped cream, hot wax, etc in a sexual act? Kakakakakaka!!!
133) What do you look for in a lover (physically)?: A big dick. Absolutely no facial and body hair. Kaoru is a good boy who shaves his armpits.
134) What do you look for in a lover (mentally/emotionally)?: Enough intestinal fortitude to be able to put up with me.
135) Do cherries or strawberries have any sexual meaning for you?: Oh yes. Kaoru and I love them.
136) Have you ever dumped someone?: No, though I have turned down quite a number of them.
137) Have you ever been dumped?: Hm. No.
138) Have you ever had your heart broken?: Haven't you already asked?
139) Are you (honestly) afraid of commitment?: Hell yes.
140) Are you attracted to people with accents?: Yes.
141) Have you ever had sexual relations in public?: No!
142) Do you have a memento from a previous relationship?: No.
143) Is there a certain smell, sight, sound, or taste that reminds you of a lover?: Yes. When I smoke, I taste Kaoru.

Miscellaneous
144) Do you enjoy living in your town?: Eh. No.
145) Do you smoke?: Yes.
146) Do you drink?: On occasion.
147) How often do you shower?: Once a day.
148) Do people you live with complain about the water bill because of the lengths of your showers?: No.
149) Do you trust others easily?: No.
150) Have you ever lied to a friend?: Yes.
151) Are you trustworthy?: Yes.
152) Are you anyone's secret-keeper?: Yes.
153) Are you a daredevil?: No.
154) Have/would you skydive?: No.
155) Have/would you bungee jump?: No.
156) Have/would you play "Chicken"?: Chicken?
157) If granted one wish, what would it be?: The ability to fly.
158) Do you like to dance?: No.
159) Which do you prefer - slow or fast dancing?: Fast.
160) Do you like to swim?: Not really.
161) Do you make friends easily?: No. I don't really trust people.
162) If so, where do you most often make friends?: Hm. School. And that no longer applies.
163) Do you color your hair?: When I can be bothered to.
164) Do you wear makeup?: Yes.
165) Are you a person who lies a lot?: Oh, no. Not me. Ha ha.
166) What religion do you practice, if any?: Do I?
167) Do you like high heels?: No.
168) Are you homophobic?: No.
169) Do you like to travel?: If there's a car and a driver, sure.
170) Granted you are American, have you ever been out of the state?: And if I am not American?
171) Do you own any pets?: Yes.
172) Do you have a cell phone/pager?: Cell phone.
173) Do like amusement parks?: No.
174) If so, what is your favorite park/ride?: Get away from me!
175) Do you collect anything?: Books and postcards.
176) Do you enjoy having your picture taken?: Not really. Cameras make me ugly.
177) Do you keep your room/apartment/dorm clean?: No. Heh.
178) Do you get annoyed easily?: Oh yes.
179) Would you consider yourself a depressed person?: Uh... yeah.
180) Have you ever been to a concert?: Yes.
181) If so, who/what did you see?: Alanis Morissette, The Corrs... Menudo.
182) Have you ever performed in public?: Yes.
183) Do you have any piercings: Yes, my ears.
184) Do you have any tattoos?: Not yet.
185) Do you dream often?: Yes.
186) Do you frequently daydream?: Oh yes.
187) Do you have a job?: Yes.
188) What was your first job?: Writing.
189) Do you have any health problems?: Sigh. Yes.
190) Are you a vegetarian?: No.
191) Have you ever been in a crash?: Crash? What crash?
192) Have you ever had a near-death experience?: I'm not sure.
193) Have you ever won anything?: Yes.
194) Do you play a musical instrument?: No. Sad, huh?
195) Have you ever had someone close to you die?: Well... I felt really close to them when they died...
196) Have you ever broken a bone?: No.
197) Have you ever had stitches?: No.
198) Do you have any scars?: Yes.
199) Have you ever had major surgery?: No.
200) What is your earliest memory?: Someone dropping me, my head kissing concrete.
201) Have you ever gotten in a physical fight?: With Aoshi. All the time.
202) What is your dream job?: Kaoru's dominatrix.
203) Do you plan on having kids?: No. But I want kids.
204) What phrase do you use the most?: Fucking [insert noun here].
205) Have you meet/do you know anyone famous?: Yes.
206) Do you carry a wallet/purse?: Yes.
207) Have you ever baby-sat?: Yes.
208) In what position do you sleep?: On my side, hugging a pillow.
209) Have you ever fallen asleep on someone else's bed?: Yes.
210) Have you ever fallen asleep on someone else?: Yes.
211) Do you put on a front for anyone?: Yeah.
212) Do you cry?: Yes.
213) Do you have a pen-pal?: Used to.
214) If so, how long have you been communicating?: We used to write regularly. Then she got lame. I suck, huh.
215) Do you have friends in other parts of the world?: Used to.
216) Have you ever gotten in trouble with the police?: No.
217) Have you ever committed a felony?: Not that I know of.
218) Do you believe in fate?: I'm not sure. Maybe not. No.
219) Have you ever been skinny-dipping?: No.
220) Do you believe in yourself?: Yes.
221) What kind of pin-ups do you have on your walls?: Nothing. Not a picture of Kaoru in sight.
222) What is the background on your computer screen of?: Dir en Grey. Shirtless.
223) What languages do you know?: English and Tagalog.
224) Have you ever visited another country?: I lived in Singapore for five years.
225) Have you ever needed to call 911?: No.
226) Do you have a sweet-tooth?: Yes. Heh.
227) What restaurant do you enjoy going to the most?: Le Bistro. But it closed. I'm sad.
228) Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?: No.
229) Do you own a motorcycle, and if so, what kind?: No.
230) Have you ever committed a misdemeanor?: Hee. Yes.
231) Do you consider yourself organized?: Semi.
232) Have you ever fainted?: Yes.
233) Do you wear a watch?: Yes.
234) Do you wear any jewelry?: Three bracelets, two rings and a choker.
235) Did you enjoy climbing trees when you were younger?: No. I'm scared of heights .
236) Have you ever driven through a cornfield?: No, but I've stumbled through a ricefield.
237) Do you have pictures around the frame of your mirror?: No.
238) Has an airline ever lost your luggage?: No. They'd all be dead if they did.
239) Do you read the comics?: If it has Calvin and Hobbes, sure.
240) Do you read the opinion page?: Sometimes.
241) Do you read the sports section?: Never.
242) Do you spend money more than you save it?: Uh. Yes.
243) Have you ever read/bought something "just for the articles"?: Yes.
244) Do you believe in aliens?: Yes.
245) Do you believe in God, the Devil, heaven or hell?: Yes. But it's deeply personal.
246) Do you believe in reincarnation?: ...Yes
247) If so, what/who do you think you were in your past life?: I did this regression exercise once. Apparently, I was shot to death in my past life.
248) What period in history are you most intrigued by?: The Dark Ages.
249) If you died now, could you leave happily?: No.
250) The survey is over! Are you still breathing?: Yes. You're lucky.

lucy fell
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Tuesday, 20 August 2002 || 0940

Mommy told me to schedule an interview with Minifookah. Actually, she said to interview all the models. And what do I say to them, I wonder. Can I ask intelligent questions of a veritable slab of fresh meat? More importantly: How do I keep the sneer off my face while I talk to them?

This job is all wrong for me--I look around and see bodies draped in gaudy cloth, and I immediately think of a butcher's den. Urgh. I can't help it. I'm sure there must be a brain somewhere underneath those mannequin casings, but you don't see it, do you? You're supposed to see only a set of limbs holding up a pile of clothes.

Why am I here? Am I having fun? Am I learning? Hmm. I get paid. I get discounts. I get to see creatures who fancy themselves gorgeous make asses of themselves on the runway. Not a bad deal.

Why are you so hostile towards them anyway? They're not doing anything to you. They're just minding their own business... strutting... looking better... in those clothes... than you do...

No. I am beautiful. I have a big brain, a razor-sharp tongue, and a nice ass. When I walk, I don't have a million people ogling me and wishing I do something stupid so they can write about it in their lifestyle columns.

I am being hostile so that there will be balance in the cosmos. That's right. Balance. Setsuna, you have too much free time. Quit typing and call up Minifookah already. But what if he isn't home? What if I call him Minifookah and he never speaks to me again?

Shrug. Oh well.

lucy fell
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Wednesday, 21 August 2002 || 1024

I just remembered something one of the girls told me last night. "When I walked down the ramp, they were all like, 'Wooooh!'" Meaning the audience during the fashion show. It was in a mall, you see. Heavily made-up faces and their scantily clad bodies under golden lighting that makes everyone gorgeous. Free for the taking. The sight can gouge your eyes out.

Why do they willingly submit themselves to this? I don't understand it.

|| 1000

Did some interviews over the phone last night. I now have a new friend, kakakakakaka! U-chan, let me warn you that you will get nothing useful out of Subaru. He is, however, extremely fun to talk to. He reminds me of The Dork, only less dorky. Oh dear. They just line up in front of me like that. Subaru, don't be a dork. Please.

lucy fell
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Thursday, 22 August 2002 || 1132

Did I mention I hate my ISP? That we put up with it because it's the only ISP we know that offers unlimited Internet access? Worthless piece of shit, I shall curse your testicles off.

Question: Why must Setsuna worry about What Other People Think?

First thought of the day: You shouldn't have said that to them.

Second thought of the day: What if they think you're a stupid dork?

Third thought of the day: They must be laughing at you. Fuck.

Fourth thought of the day: You are obsessing about what you said to a bunch of brainless children.

And it goes on.

Have you ever wondered why I don't have many friends? There you go. Argh. Shut up. So what I don't care damn you damn you.

I need a huge bottle of beer. To break on my head.

lucy fell
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Sunday, 25 August 2002 || 0818

Mumu and I met Canis and K last night. Kakakakakakaka! Canis couldn't stop laughing at a certain young lass who looks like Die. Hah! First it was the Japanese exchange students, and now Shin-chan. Quit denying it.

And thank you again, my dears, for the gifts. You made my day. And K, my own dear Totchi, as much as I love and cherish the thought of being a couple with you, the thing is, Kaoru refuses to share me. He is a bad man, but I love him. Kakakakaka! Try Mumu.

Oh, um... please don't post the pictures you took of me. Cameras hate me, you see. Sad.

I hope we didn't freak you out. We shall see you again soon.

lucy fell
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Monday, 26 August 2002 || 1043

Lucifer watched The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring on VCD. His review: "Cool yung baklang elf." (That gay elf [Legolas] is cool.

I just saw the cover of tetsu's new single. He's so cute! How can I stay pissed when he looks like that? Excuse me, I think I'm going to bawl. tet-chan, I miss you too.

lucy fell
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Tuesday, 27 August 2002 || 1021

Warning: Long, pointless entry ahead. If you're looking for something with substance, go read my archives.

Since I changed the layout of and made new link graphics for bitchblogs, people have been applying in droves. Which proves that I am not the only weirdo who joins cliques because their layouts and link buttons are pretty. Okay, so that's not the only reason people join cliques, not the main reason definitely. And I apologize if I offended you by calling you a weirdo--personally, I think it's a better compliment than being called "normal." Where was I?

I am a very snotty bitch. I come across a clique I really like and get all excited when I go to apply for it, but if it doesn't have pretty link buttons, I'm outta there. I especially hate blinkie buttons. (I know my link to the spark blinks a little, but that's okay, and I love the colors.) Overexposure to those things may trigger a seizure. I remember almost getting one while reviewing this site whose entire background was moving! Needless to say, I rejected the application.

And now I have completely forgotten what I was going to type because Mumu and I are chatting on Yahoo! Messenger. Anyway, cliques and stuff. What can I do? I like pretty things, pretty faces and beautiful pictures. In high school and well into college, I spent all my allowance on magazines. I did not care for mindless articles--I just wanted to look at the pictures.

Last year, I bought a magazine called Black Book, which contains the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen. I got it at the Philippine Book Fair in Megamall. I have since searched high and low for it but have not found it. The Book Fair is coming, and I hope they have it.

See, I told you it was pointless.

lucy fell
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Wednesday, 28 August 2002 || 1357

Pierrot

(Note: This is not about the J-rock band. Pierrot is a French word which means "a clown in pantomime.")

She talked to me on the phone, only it wasn't her talking. Through the comm static, you could just make out the buzz-whine of the mechanism inside her. Someone on the other side is fiddling with the controls.

"And what have you learned?" said I.

"I've learned how to walk straight," said she. Such a pleasant, melodious voice. You realize that if she had been a real girl, she would have been the shy, pretty, innocent one that all the boys drool after, the one that all the old men sweat their Calvins over.

"Even when I'm tired, I don't slouch anymore," she adds, and a pair of wide doe eyes flashes before your eyes. Charming how a thing can fancy itself tired. You almost forget that you are talking to a machine.

Beyond that musical voice is another voice, no more than a scratchy undertone. There is no music here. It speaks as if to a recorder. You realize that this is the voice you are supposed to hear. You try to concentrate on the first voice, the pleasant one, but this one jars your ear.

The masterpiece is excellent. Pale, rosy-cheeked porcelain skin. Every eyelash, every fingerprint hand-painted to perfection. No frays in the clothing, every stitch in place. The body is seamless, the puppet strings invisible.

The maker is not much to look at, so she created a beautiful mirror of herself. A doll, soulless and empty, but it does not matter. The eyes that swallow it care only for unblemished skin. There is no room for soul.

lucy fell
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Thursday, 29 August 2002 || 1216

unknown J-rock band test
All right, so maybe you didn't have the most romantic of beginnings, but you came out all right in the end. You're not totally sure if music is for you, but as long as you have the other members of your band around you, it'll be ok. Besides, the fact that you're a star character in an anime guarantees you more fans.

Take the "Which Unknown Jrock Band Should You Be In?" quiz
Brought to you by
Shiroi Heya

Goshes! It's Makoto! Squeak, Mako-chan. Squeak.

And in case you're curious, my complete results are:
1. /\ucifer
2. Oblivion Dust
3. DopeHEADz
4. Transtic Nerve
5. Zigzo
6. Buck-Tick
7. Janne Da Arc
8. Kuroyume
9. Siam Shade
10. Boowy
11. B'z
12. The Brilliant Green
13. Unicorn

Of the thirteen, I am most familiar with /\ucifer, Zigzo and Siam Shade -- the first because I've seen them often enough on PopJam to know that Makoto sings like a schoolboy caught in his zipper; the second because, well, Sakura was in it and I've seen one PV where he disrobes (nosebleed, ahem); and the third courtesy of Rurouni Kenshin, the anime. Shame, really, because the list includes some of the best J-rock bands (I've been told) that have graced this world.

This has inspired me to go download some Siam Shade. Another pity: Mumu and I start getting into a band when they've already disbanded (Luna Sea, Malice Mizer). This pisses me off. I need new music!

And finally, just because I feel like it, here's a Top 5 J-rock survey. Subject to change because I'm fickle.

Top 5 J-rock Bands/Artists
1. L'Arc-en-Ciel
2. Dir en Grey
3. Malice Mizer (with Gackt, because I haven't heard the Klaha songs)
4. Gackt / Luna Sea (tie)
5. Youjeen

Top 5 J-rock songs of all time
1. Pieces, L'Arc-en-Ciel
2. seki-ray, Gackt
3. Shine, Luna Sea
4. Cage, Dir en Grey
5. Syunkiss, Malice Mizer

Top 5 L'Arc-en-Ciel songs
1. Pieces
2. Fate
3. Promised Land
4. Finale
5. Vivid Colors

Top 5 Dir en Grey Songs
1. Cage
2. Raison d'être
3. zakuro
4. wake
5. embryo

Top 5 Gackt Songs
1. seki-ray
2. Secret Garden
3. Cube
4. uncontrol
5. Papa lapped a pap lopped

Top 5 Luna Sea Songs
1. Shine
2. Love Song
3. Providence
4. Until The Day I Die
5. Rosier

Note: no Top 5 Malice Mizer and Youjeen songs because I haven't decided yet.

lucy fell
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