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Archive 4: August 2002 Thursday, 1 August 2002 || 12:33 p.m. Gusto ko ng banana cue!!! I've been having a very bad mid-week, thanks to certain lovely, just lovely members of my immediate family. As if yesterday morning were not enough, I had to be tormented again at night. When I woke up this morning, I had the insane urge to poke my left eye out with a fountain pen and serve it to them at breakfast. Perhaps I will. But not right now. I'm in a left-eye-loving mood. So, yes, Mumu, tomorrow, I will go to the post office and claim your CDs so I can have much-needed therapy. And I also want banana cue. Lucifer came home having just eaten three. And I am envious. I have just had a disgusting lunch. I hate pork. I eat pork only because there is nothing else to eat, but perhaps I should avoid the dining table when they serve it. Yes. Instead of eating slop, I shall drink coffee. Starting tonight. I also want fishballs and kwek-kwek--did I get this right? I'm talking about those orange-coated egg things. Pinoy soul food guaranteed to land me in the hospital with a hepatitis-B diagnosis. How'd you all like that, eh? I torture people by torturing myself. It's so gratifying to see their faces. Cruel, cruel, cruel bad little girl. Ladies, for my birthday, I want a shirt that says "bad little girl." Or a nice postcard like the ones in the Griffin and Sabine books by Nick Bantock. No one sends me postcards. I'm sad. I've just swung by Sophie's blog and she said she thought I look like Jean Harlow. Me? Really? Well, she does look like Mana if I squint a little so... okay. I have a new layout subject. And I have a migraine. Fuckfuckfuck. I must get out of this house soon. lucy fell Friday, 2 August 2002 || 9:17 a.m. Lucifer's Theory: The first dinosaurs were not really that big. Then evolution got its grimy hands on them and they started getting really, really huge. Which was good. But then, as they got bigger, their brains got smaller and smaller, until they got so tiny that the poor lumbering reptiles forgot how to breathe. And that, children, is why there are no more dinosaurs. Stupidity killed them. Interesting, if you consider the following points. 1. When we were kids and our parents would ask which one of us would take care of them in their old age, Aoshi, Mumu, Lucifer and I would play a friendly game of bato-bato-pik (rock-scissors-paper). Loser gets the old people. 2. It is not my fault that companies do not have budget allocated for sponsorship. Maybe they have other, better things to spend their money on (like the McDonald's Company, which no longer entertains food sponsorships and instead allocates funds to charity). Maybe they like the smell of money in their pockets. Whatever the reason, it's not my fault. Quit blaming me or I will poke my eye out and make you eat it. Conclusion: Mid-life crisis turns people into dinosaurs. That is why someone has to kill me before I turn 40. Mumu's age limit is 35, but I could live a little longer. Just so I don't have to inflict myself on my children when I get to that phase. Until it has passed, people should be locked up in old people's centers. Leaving all their money to us, of course. Happy birthday, Dad. lucy fell Saturday, 3 August 2002 || 9:23 p.m. Haido-poo: *sniffs air* Is it safe to come in now?
Are you not bitching anymore? Later, when bellies are full and everyone is happy... Haido-poo: Now, I'm no expert on male anatomy, but...
The size of that is just... I'm speechless... He's a freak and a half. (Check out Mumu's blog for more... MORE!) lucy fell Monday, 5 August 2002 || 12:08 p.m. I now remember why I am depressed. I woke up from a dream in which Keith died. Remember him, Sophie? Who he? I should explain, shouldn't I? Keith is a supporting character in the novella I submitted as my undergraduate thesis. I'm depressed over a dead guy who doesn't exist. Well, he's not dead, I just dreamed that he died. I couldn't get up, was weeping into my pillow for about an hour, and then I started missing ken-chan again. Now I have a headache. I smoke Mild Seven Lights, and it does leave a smell, though not as strong as the reek in Aoshi's room. I lit a scented candle to get rid of it. My room smells like smoke and butterflies. Yes, dear, I sniff dead insects. But only when I'm alone. They don't smell like anything special, but I'm a freak. So. || 9:20 a.m. I miss ken-chan. Yesterday, Mumu and I were on the bus going to Glorietta and it hit me: I really miss ken-chan. I don't particularly care for hyde, tetsu or yukihiro (echoes of The Horrible Perm™, ick!) right now, but I want to see Laruku for ken-chan. I don't know if this is a side effect of hearing DEG's kisou album for the first time. My throat has been threatening to explode since we listened to it yesterday morning, and then I started missing ken-chan. I don't know, I just don't know. Laruku, I am pissed at you. I'd blow smoke in your collective faces, but you'd probably like that. Except tet-chan, who will whack me with a handbag, then whip out the Evian atomizers. Damn you all. We found a guy who looks like Kaoru. But I don't feel like writing about him. I don't even want to listen to L'Arc-en-Ciel songs anymore (except "Pieces" and "I'm so happy"). I just miss ken. Want: New album, new PV, new concert video. ken-chan. lucy fell Layout Rant (Enter fat, orange cat. Yes, back again.) Haido-poo: Excuse me? I am not fat. I resent being objectified. lucy fell Wednesday, 7 August 2002 || 1228 Note to self: Mild Seven and sinigang don't go together. Whatever happened to my vow to refuse to eat pork in all forms (except katsudon)? I was hungry, and I'd just written a fan letter to Die. || 0921 Did the images come out right? Did they? That was embarrassing. Why am I suddenly unsure of how to spell "embarrassing"? Note to self: check the html before you upload. Crazy night, last night. Existential crises galore. And why? Because I made a Kaoru wallpaper. Eh? A sexy picture it is. Unfortunately, I can't put it here, because it is big (543 kb) and Fateback won't let me upload it. And because I have not the blessing of the webmistress who scanned it. Huh? Yes. I made two versions, included the lyrics of embryo and FILTH on the wallpaper (translation courtesy of Tattered Cloth). And I spent half the night wondering if I would be able to sleep. I can't tell you. I can't even say it to myself. Basta. Kyo. Do you feel this too? Call me. Let's have coffee. Then go to an MRT station and push people off the platform. || 0858 It seems I'm the only one who can see my new layout. Krapf! Okay, I've fixed it! Mumu, Canis, Sophie, Raven, check back please. If you still can't see this, I'm gonna have to kill my host. Grrr. I'm worried about Haido-poo. Mom said she found blood in his stool. I don't know if she has time to take him to the vet this week. I hope it's nothing serious. My poor baby. lucy fell Thursday, 8 August 2002 || 0926 You cannot tell where the wind ends and the whisper begins. Only that it creeps up on you like some half-remembered scent, unknown yet familiar, and threatening. You bask in it even as it squeezes the blood out of your heart. And when his voice grates in his throat in a feral sob, you feel as if you have been stabbed in the heart, as if you have died and been reincarnated as something both macabre and beautiful. And you can do nothing but hide in the dark, unable even to cry with him. Because you, too, are fallen from grace. Because his song is the closest you will get to redemption. lucy fell Sunday, 11 August 2002 || 0352 I've had a fever since Friday afternoon. I can't sleep because it's hot--I'm trying to sweat the fever out-- and because I'm worried about Aoshi. He called me up at eleven-thirty saying he didn't know how to get home. Where the hell did you go, dodo? So I was lying in bed nightdreaming about Kaoru (who is partially responsible for my fever), and suddenly I thought of Kyo. Yes, Kyo. Our baby, but not really a baby (more like a tiyanak). And I found myself admitting that lusting after Kyo is a wonderful, wonderful thing. 1. He's very short. If he takes his shoes off, we'll be about the same height, so he won't have to bend over to kiss me, and I won't get a stiff neck nipping his earlobe. 2. Unlike certain guitarists I could mention, Kyo actually wants to settle down and get married. Well, okay, so he wants someone who will cook and clean for him, i.e., a maid, but we can always borrow Megumi from hyde. 3. He sleeps in Doraemon pajamas. All the better to cuddle you with, my dear. 4. He's got a body to drool for. Again, unlike certain guitarists I could mention. Slurp. 5. He writes beautiful lyrics. Sample: at the time of my death, there is one special person I remembered from here on, I sway in the breeze, together with the cherry blossoms, remembering you fluttering fluttering -from 304 goushitsu, hakushi no sakura 6. He's got a big mouth. If people try to harrass us, he'll bite their heads off. Literally. 7. He growls when he sings. Aaah! 8. He's crazy! And that is all right by me. But Setsuna, you say, does this mean you're dumping dear Kaoru for the demented munchkin? Of course not. I'm in this weird state and I have a fever, okay? But I've got "wake" playing in my head, and Kyo and I are devouring pie and dancing in the breeze.
Short aside: ken-chan and Sakura together in Sons of All Pussys? First, Sugizo puts together the Spank Your Juice, and now this. When I read this, my first thought was, "It's 'Pussies,' not 'Pussys.'" Reported by Shiroi Heya. Thanks for the plug, Canis. Kyo image from Tattered Cloth lucy fell Monday, 12 August 2002 || 0825 And I am still sick. Crap. My fevers are usually preceded by a cold and followed by a cough that lasts from four days to two weeks. Yesterday, I was croaking like Marge Simpson. Today, my voice does not approximate anything human. Therefore, I cannot make any phone calls lest people mistake me for Death coming to fetch their ugly souls. Last Saturday was the worst. My fever was something like 40°C. My knees wobbled whenever I tried to get up and go to the toilet. And Mumu (I was in her flat) had not a single bath towel with which I could make a cold compress for my forehead. So I used a padded bra. Stop laughing. Mumu: Totchiko is going to die if she sees you like that. And I must mention that the fever was aggravated by visions of myself licking the moles on Kaoru's collarbone. Fine! Say it! Haido-poo: You need to get laid. Kaoru, you fuck--I mean, fook. Why do you have to be so bloody sexy? Image from Tattered Cloth lucy fell Tuesday, 13 August, 2002 || 1756 Mumu, I don't think I'll be able to see Sadako tomorrow. This hacking cough is killing me. I stare at all of our Dragonlance books with Raistlin covers and I'm like, "Buddy, I know how you feel." Why won't the, uh, lumpfuls (sic) of phlegm come out? I need to unstick my throat! Dammit dammit! I'm re-reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I'd asked my dad to get me a paperback copy, completely forgetting that they only have the Bloomsbury edition in Singapore. I wanted the Scholastic edition (the one with the pictures)! It's a different, totally unnerving experience reading it again when I already know that Ce-- Oh, you haven't read it yet? Fine, fine, I shall not give spoilers. But read it already if you haven't, you lazy pups! Quit watching so much TV! Mumu, our Dir en Grey albums are not yet here. They are in the package our dear aunt had had to ship over because she did not want to pay the excess baggage fee. All we have here are a pair of white shorts and an extremely frilly white blouse (for you). Kitty-chan got her Bratz doll. I'm jealous. On a happier note, you've got another package. Bring ID when you come home Saturday. lucy fell Wednesday, 14 August 2002 || 1150 Apparently, even my mother thinks I should get out more. She asked me to accompany her on her press rounds today, even though I have not fully recovered from my cough and I still have people to call up. I declined because I am weak from coughing, undernourished and dehydrated. I hardly eat and drink because all the phlegm and snot clogging my throat make everything smell and taste like toilet. They served me pork for lunch again, so I did not eat. I'm not smoking now because I'm sick, but I'm still going to die sooner than people expect. Well, fuck. lucy fell Thursday, 15 August 2002 || 1035 Excuse this. I just had to. From The Lighter Side of Black. Scene 1: Meeting My Favorite J-rocker One fine day, I was jumping up the throat when all of a sudden Kaoru farted out at me! I was so edgy that I kicked my triangle! I was very peppy to do such a pink thing in front of Kaoru but I tried to forget it. He then said I was the most pudgy quilt alive and asked ME for my bunny. I gladly gave it to him. Then he gave me his fluff. I was very sad and I promised I would paint him. I hope he misses me. Sound dumb? It gets worse... Scene 2: Getting Together After I smoked Kaoru, we made chairs to keep. That day, I basted my numb light and socks so I would knock really glam for him. He told me to meet him at the mall at 7:00, and sure enough he was there. He looked really hard. I couldn't wait to get to our date at the mall. And it doesn't end there... Scene 3: On The Date We finally got there. Inside, there were a lot of chickens and butlers, but I didn't mind as long as I was with Kaoru. We ducked left and the waitress came with our skirt. He ordered nut. I didn't care much for them but anything he pouts, I do too! So I ordered handbag and plate. While we were stitching I couldn't stop muffling at his odoriferous raspberries. They were so capable! But then our bun depleted and we huffed more than we veered. So I decided to start a conversation. Don't worry, this is the last one. Heh. Scene 4: The Conversation "So what do you like to hop in your car?" I licked. "Well," he hurried, "I enjoy gurgling, mumbling, and washing." "Really?" I burped. "I prefer zooming to making. But licking is the smartest of all!" All of a sudden, he said, "You know, you have the juiciest lips." I could have glomped right there! That was so shiny of him to quake that! "Why thank you! You're not so soggy yourself!" Then the fluffiest thing in the hat jumped. He quipped over and hummed me! It was such a melodious note; it would be something I would sleep for years! Then it was time to go home! +++ Kaoru, I hope you realize that when I see you on the street, I will rip your clothes off and fuck you senseless in broad daylight. Indulge me once again: Okay, I'm putting my brain back in. Image from Tattered Cloth lucy fell Friday, 16 August 2002 || 1023 Ah! Urusai! Leave me alone or I will set a rabid Kyo upon you! Mother I must get out. The walls of this room are closing in upon me. I feel like I have been living in that garbage chute in the Death Star where Princess Leia made Luke, Han and Chewy jump into to escape the stormtroopers. Except there are no stormtroopers here, only an underfed cat with swollen tits polluting my sick sheets. I think I'll go feed on dead mosquitoes. lucy fell Monday, 19 August 2002 || 1111 Survey. Questions copied from Cup of Coffee. Basic Questions Favorites Either/Or Love/Sex Miscellaneous lucy fell
Tuesday, 20 August 2002 || 0940 Mommy told me to schedule an interview with Minifookah. Actually, she said to interview all the models. And what do I say to them, I wonder. Can I ask intelligent questions of a veritable slab of fresh meat? More importantly: How do I keep the sneer off my face while I talk to them? This job is all wrong for me--I look around and see bodies draped in gaudy cloth, and I immediately think of a butcher's den. Urgh. I can't help it. I'm sure there must be a brain somewhere underneath those mannequin casings, but you don't see it, do you? You're supposed to see only a set of limbs holding up a pile of clothes. Why am I here? Am I having fun? Am I learning? Hmm. I get paid. I get discounts. I get to see creatures who fancy themselves gorgeous make asses of themselves on the runway. Not a bad deal. Why are you so hostile towards them anyway? They're not doing anything to you. They're just minding their own business... strutting... looking better... in those clothes... than you do... No. I am beautiful. I have a big brain, a razor-sharp tongue, and a nice ass. When I walk, I don't have a million people ogling me and wishing I do something stupid so they can write about it in their lifestyle columns. I am being hostile so that there will be balance in the cosmos. That's right. Balance. Setsuna, you have too much free time. Quit typing and call up Minifookah already. But what if he isn't home? What if I call him Minifookah and he never speaks to me again? Shrug. Oh well. lucy fell Wednesday, 21 August 2002 || 1024 I just remembered something one of the girls told me last night. "When I walked down the ramp, they were all like, 'Wooooh!'" Meaning the audience during the fashion show. It was in a mall, you see. Heavily made-up faces and their scantily clad bodies under golden lighting that makes everyone gorgeous. Free for the taking. The sight can gouge your eyes out. Why do they willingly submit themselves to this? I don't understand it. || 1000 Did some interviews over the phone last night. I now have a new friend, kakakakakaka! U-chan, let me warn you that you will get nothing useful out of Subaru. He is, however, extremely fun to talk to. He reminds me of The Dork, only less dorky. Oh dear. They just line up in front of me like that. Subaru, don't be a dork. Please. lucy fell Thursday, 22 August 2002 || 1132 Did I mention I hate my ISP? That we put up with it because it's the only ISP we know that offers unlimited Internet access? Worthless piece of shit, I shall curse your testicles off. Question: Why must Setsuna worry about What Other People Think? First thought of the day: You shouldn't have said that to them. Second thought of the day: What if they think you're a stupid dork? Third thought of the day: They must be laughing at you. Fuck. Fourth thought of the day: You are obsessing about what you said to a bunch of brainless children. And it goes on. Have you ever wondered why I don't have many friends? There you go. Argh. Shut up. So what I don't care damn you damn you. I need a huge bottle of beer. To break on my head. lucy fell Sunday, 25 August 2002 || 0818 Mumu and I met Canis and K last night. Kakakakakakaka! Canis couldn't stop laughing at a certain young lass who looks like Die. Hah! First it was the Japanese exchange students, and now Shin-chan. Quit denying it. And thank you again, my dears, for the gifts. You made my day. And K, my own dear Totchi, as much as I love and cherish the thought of being a couple with you, the thing is, Kaoru refuses to share me. He is a bad man, but I love him. Kakakakaka! Try Mumu. Oh, um... please don't post the pictures you took of me. Cameras hate me, you see. Sad. I hope we didn't freak you out. We shall see you again soon. lucy fell Monday, 26 August 2002 || 1043 Lucifer watched The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring on VCD. His review: "Cool yung baklang elf." (That gay elf [Legolas] is cool. I just saw the cover of tetsu's new single. He's so cute! How can I stay pissed when he looks like that? Excuse me, I think I'm going to bawl. tet-chan, I miss you too. lucy fell Tuesday, 27 August 2002 || 1021 Warning: Long, pointless entry ahead. If you're looking for something with substance, go read my archives. Since I changed the layout of and made new link graphics for bitchblogs, people have been applying in droves. Which proves that I am not the only weirdo who joins cliques because their layouts and link buttons are pretty. Okay, so that's not the only reason people join cliques, not the main reason definitely. And I apologize if I offended you by calling you a weirdo--personally, I think it's a better compliment than being called "normal." Where was I? I am a very snotty bitch. I come across a clique I really like and get all excited when I go to apply for it, but if it doesn't have pretty link buttons, I'm outta there. I especially hate blinkie buttons. (I know my link to the spark blinks a little, but that's okay, and I love the colors.) Overexposure to those things may trigger a seizure. I remember almost getting one while reviewing this site whose entire background was moving! Needless to say, I rejected the application. And now I have completely forgotten what I was going to type because Mumu and I are chatting on Yahoo! Messenger. Anyway, cliques and stuff. What can I do? I like pretty things, pretty faces and beautiful pictures. In high school and well into college, I spent all my allowance on magazines. I did not care for mindless articles--I just wanted to look at the pictures. Last year, I bought a magazine called Black Book, which contains the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen. I got it at the Philippine Book Fair in Megamall. I have since searched high and low for it but have not found it. The Book Fair is coming, and I hope they have it. See, I told you it was pointless. lucy fell Wednesday, 28 August 2002 || 1357 Pierrot (Note: This is not about the J-rock band. Pierrot is a French word which means "a clown in pantomime.") She talked to me on the phone, only it wasn't her talking. Through the comm static, you could just make out the buzz-whine of the mechanism inside her. Someone on the other side is fiddling with the controls. "And what have you learned?" said I. "I've learned how to walk straight," said she. Such a pleasant, melodious voice. You realize that if she had been a real girl, she would have been the shy, pretty, innocent one that all the boys drool after, the one that all the old men sweat their Calvins over. "Even when I'm tired, I don't slouch anymore," she adds, and a pair of wide doe eyes flashes before your eyes. Charming how a thing can fancy itself tired. You almost forget that you are talking to a machine. Beyond that musical voice is another voice, no more than a scratchy undertone. There is no music here. It speaks as if to a recorder. You realize that this is the voice you are supposed to hear. You try to concentrate on the first voice, the pleasant one, but this one jars your ear. The masterpiece is excellent. Pale, rosy-cheeked porcelain skin. Every eyelash, every fingerprint hand-painted to perfection. No frays in the clothing, every stitch in place. The body is seamless, the puppet strings invisible. The maker is not much to look at, so she created a beautiful mirror of herself. A doll, soulless and empty, but it does not matter. The eyes that swallow it care only for unblemished skin. There is no room for soul. lucy fell Thursday, 29 August 2002 || 1216 Goshes! It's Makoto! Squeak, Mako-chan. Squeak. And in case you're curious, my complete results are: Of the thirteen, I am most familiar with /\ucifer, Zigzo and Siam Shade -- the first because I've seen them often enough on PopJam to know that Makoto sings like a schoolboy caught in his zipper; the second because, well, Sakura was in it and I've seen one PV where he disrobes (nosebleed, ahem); and the third courtesy of Rurouni Kenshin, the anime. Shame, really, because the list includes some of the best J-rock bands (I've been told) that have graced this world. This has inspired me to go download some Siam Shade. Another pity: Mumu and I start getting into a band when they've already disbanded (Luna Sea, Malice Mizer). This pisses me off. I need new music! And finally, just because I feel like it, here's a Top 5 J-rock survey. Subject to change because I'm fickle. Top 5 J-rock Bands/Artists Top 5 J-rock songs of all time Top 5 L'Arc-en-Ciel songs Top 5 Dir en Grey Songs Top 5 Gackt Songs Top 5 Luna Sea Songs Note: no Top 5 Malice Mizer and Youjeen songs because I haven't decided yet. lucy fell
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